Single, Successful, but Struggling in Seattle

One of my golden rules

2012-02-10T15:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, the neverending drama.

I could tell a very thinly-veiled story about someone whom I at one time considered my friend and *cough sister-in-law cough,* but I will refuse to spend any more time on that woman, cause it's a waste of time, breath, typing, and thinking.

Instead I will direct this post toward a golden rule of mine (and pardon my French, but....):

You fuck with my family....you fuck with me.

Blood is definitely thicker than water. Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancees, husbands, wives....they all come and go. But family is sacred, at least in my opinion.

No one is perfect. I know I'm not. I've made my share of mistakes, dug myself some pretty deep holes in the past, and while I have been judged by some of my family members, I've never been left behind, never been disowned. It's an unconditional love, when it comes to family, and they have never been anything but supportive. I've been blessed with amazing parents, who certainly put my needs and my siblings' needs before their own. And while my brother, sister, and I haven't always agreed on everything, that has never been any doubt to me whose side they would be on if I ever needed them to be.

And I will continue to do the same for them.

Here's to family (and a drama-free weekend)!

Song of the day: "Hell on Heels" Pistol Annies

Evolution

2012-02-02T23:43:00.000-08:00

Ah, the cycle of things.

Did the chicken come before the egg? Or the egg before the chicken?

Did God really create man first, and woman out of the man's rib (and what the fuck does that mean anyway, aside from the fact that it does kind of explain the overblown male ego, I suppose)?

Sometimes I wonder if men and women shouldn't be considered separate species altogether. I mean, if we are all evolving, shouldn't it somehow become easier for us to solve the same damn problems that have always been there?

Real life example:
A guy says he is going to call. He doesn't call. It's not necessarily that the guy doesn't want to talk to the girl, it just doesn't happen for whatever reason. The girl gets disappointed, upset, or otherwise feels insecure.

This same example has repeated itself for decades among men and women. Of course there are a myriad of variables and circumstances around these types of situations, but if we were really evolving and adapting, wouldn't one of these two things come to pass:

a.) A guy says he is going to call....and HE CALLS.
b.) A girl never expects the guy to call or doesn't get her hopes up, ergo no disappointment.

There are those outliers of course, but that is exactly what they are. Exceptions....not the rule.

Ey, ey, ey. When will we ever learn? Or perhaps evolve into not giving a damn.

Song of the day: "How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep" Bombay Bicycle Club

You thought you lost me?

2012-02-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

WRONG.

To put it mildly, there has just been some shit going DOWN in my life during the past couple of months. I could have written all about it on here, but for once I am going to say that wouldn't be appropriate, no matter how much I would love to vent.

On another note....it's 2012. When the fuck did that happen? Seriously. I was looking at old photos on Facebook earlier today, and I noticed that I started my Facebook account when I was a SOPHOMORE in college. That was like 8 million years ago! (Okay, I'm exaggerating. Take about a million off and you're close to right.)

Even crazier: I TURN 30 IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS.

Mother. Of. God.

But, the way that I look at it I've not even hit my prime yet. So, I am going to be ringing in my 30's in GRAND fashion. (DUH.) Two celebrations people. I guess you could say one for each full decade I've been alive, perhaps.

The first and funniest is for all of my local peeps here in Seattle. I've been plotting this for years, and it is finally going to happen. That's right: GOLDEN GIRLS THEMED PUB CRAWL. Get those saggy tits, muu muus, and grey wigs out! I'm gonna get all Sophia on you!

Secondly, on my actual birthday I will be with two of my bestest buddies in New Orleans. AKA, the city I might move to next (we shall see!).

So, enough of my "I'm getting so old" speech. I just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I am planning on getting the writing groove back on. Be prepared. I have some smartass shit stowed away from the time I've had off!

Song of the day: "Stay Away" Charli XCX

Charli XCX - Stay Away

The hardest post to write

2011-12-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

To say it's been awhile is an understatement, but I've been through the wringer this month, to say the least.

Those close to me already know why this post will be the hardest thing that I've ever written....on December 11, 2011, my best friend in the whole wide world had to be humanely euthanized.

To know me is to have known my horse, so for the past few weeks I've felt rather lost. There have been good days and bad, great notes of sympathy and questions galore, so I figured I might as well set the record straight on what exactly happened, if for nothing else of not having to relive the story over and over again.

It was a typical Sunday afternoon out at the barn. I came out a little later than normal, so Shy Guy, Turner, and I could all three have a good time in the indoor arena without disturbing anyone else. My horse and my dog get along great...Turner is my little blue heeler trail dog...he loves running along behind Shy when I'm riding.

My horse had been saddled and we headed into the arena for a little bit of lunging. For those of you that don't know what that is, basically it is when we hook a long rope onto our horses halter so they can run around us in large circles, namely to stretch out their muscles before working, and also to relieve some of their excess energy. Shy could go either way when lunging - lazy as hell, or running around like a two-year-old. Since it was a crisp day, and he hadn't been exercised the day before, he was more of the latter. After going around just fine for awhile, he dug in his hind heels to run hard a little bit and kick up....and when he did, there was this large snapping noise.

He almost fell as soon as it happened, but I got him to stop right away and he instantly pulled one of his hind legs up under his belly and held it there, unable to bear any weight on. It was at that very instant that I knew it was bad. VERY bad. Lucky enough for both of us, I had my cell phone in my pocket, called my trainer who was at the front of the property in her house. She booked it outside and called our veterinarian's office to get the on-call equine vet out to the property. Waiting for the vet to get there seemed like forever, but it only took about 45 minutes. In that time, I cried....alot. We removed his saddle and put a nice warm blanket on him during the wait, to try and keep him from getting too stressed out.

This is where things become harder for me to say. I could suffice it to say that there are certain visions when something traumatic like this happens that you will remember forever. One such moment for me was when I had my trainer hold on to his lead line while I went to get his blanket....when I came back toward him, he tried to walk away from her to me. It was at this period that I knew I couldn't think about myself at all in any of this. He was scared, and all I could do was whatever I could to keep him calm, let him know that I was there for him. After all of the times he's been there for me, I don't think I could ever repay him, but I could sure try.

The vet finally arrived, gave him some sedative and pain medication (we had already given him some anti-inflammatory medication prior to her arrival), and set up the portable x-ray machine. Right before this I had to get him to hobble a few feet closer to the entrance of the arena so we could be near the outlet for the x-rays. I know that had to be painful for him, but he trusted me, knowing I would do whatever was best for him despite it all.

After about the third image via x-ray, the vet informed me that she already found a break or two, and after carefully looking at all the images, there were at least three breaks to my horse's pastern.

Nothing prepares you for the drop in your stomach that accompanies that type of news. I knew exactly what it meant. Had it been a single break, he might have been a candidate for a surgical procedure where they inserted a plate to piece it back together and begin the healing process, but with at least three breaks, there isn't anything to plate together, and with my horse being older, the chance at any kind of decent lifestyle (free of pain) became obsolete. He had almost the exact same injury as the famous racehorse, Barbaro, who had to be put down due to painful laminitis.

My trainer knew as well, and told me to take a walk and make any necessary calls. I called my parents and talked to my mother, who said very little to me, but told me, "You know what you have to do." And I did know.

I walked back inside to my trainer and the vet and just shook my head...I couldn't say the words. My trainer started crying as well, and reassured me that I was making the right decision...I couldn't let him be in pain.

From that point on, I stayed right by Shy's side. He knew he was hurt bad, but despite it all he just let me stand there and pet him, talk to him, give him little nose kisses. You've heard people say that they've "seen their life flash before them." Well, even though I wasn't in any danger, this is exactly what happened to me during the time that I had left with him. It all raced through my head...14 years of ups and downs, stories, memories, places...and he got to be a part of that with me. We grew up together, and he helped me become the person I am today.

When an animal is in pain like that, the sooner they are out of it, the better, so I prepared myself. My trainer asked me if I needed anything, and I asked her if she could find some carrots or other treats. Normally you can't give horses treats in excess for dietary reasons, but since that was not going to be a factor, I was going to let him have as many as he wanted. If for nothing else, I wanted him to know that none of this was his fault, and that he always did everything I ever asked him to do.

The vet made the preparations, more sedatives and more painkillers. An IV had to be inserted, and we were going to have to partake in the task of getting him to hobble outside. This was by far the hardest thing I have had to do. We cushioned and wrapped up his leg as much as possible - I led him and my trainer and the vet followed behind to help support him on the walk outside. That vision will be the hardest for me to deal with for a long time. Even though he was in pain, and his body was coursing with drugs, he trusted me. He never once planted his feet or gave up trying for me.

Once outside, I gave him to my trainer. Told him I loved him, that he was the best horse in the world. I walked away and never looked back. That's how I needed to remember him.

My trainer explained that when he was injected he went down easy, and her and the vet braided part of his tail, cut it off, and gave it to me, so I would always have a piece of him. Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep that night.

Reality doesn't hit until afterward, how much your life changes when something traumatic happens. I won't get into the details of how much anxiety I experienced during the first week, but we will just suffice it to say that it was bad. It's been an adjustment ever since, and I won't be purchasing another horse of my own for quite some time, but I am getting back in the saddle next week. He would want that for me. We didn't share all of those years and lessons and rides so that I could put those skills to waste.

I'm thankful for those around me that have been empathetic and sympathetic. The veterinarian, my trainer, and all of my friends (horsey and non-horsey)....I don't know what I would have done without everyone's support.

It's been a whirlwind in 2011, so here's to hoping for a fresh start in 2012.

My best friend, Shy Guy: gone, but far from forgotten

Song of the day: "Coming Home" Gwyneth Paltrow (Shy was always "home" for me)

Black Friday wha?

2011-12-02T11:32:00.001-08:00

"Black Friday."

Who came up with this stupid term, and why do we use it?

Christmas is getting WAY too commercial up in here.

I'm still the person that refuses to put up any Christmas decorations until it's ACTUALLY December. There are limits, people.

I think we should turn Christmas into a thrifty holiday. Who's with me?!

Songs (PLURAL) of the day: "Obsession" Sky Ferreira and "Arizona" Kings of Leon

Hands on fire

2011-11-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty gnarly "blonde" moment the other night. (I know, I know....I haven't been blonde in years, and I was a bottle blonde at that, but that is pretty much the only relative term I can use for what occurred a couple of evenings ago.)

After work I was making it a point to cook some vegetarian chili so I would have something scrumptious to indulge in throughout the week. (Slightly off topic, but I have started participating in Meatless Monday, something you all should consider if you haven't already!)

Well, I did a number on this one...spicy New Orleans/Emeril style, which I found adapted and posted on this lovely blog: Ezra Pound Cake

Now, when I say spicy, I mean lots of dried spice (chili powder, cayenne pepper, cumin) and the spice of the vegetable variety, that requires CHOPPING (red bell pepper, serrano peppers). Well, I think from here on out I am going to do more of the pepper chopping in a food processor, or I will be wearing some rubber gloves, because what happened later that evening was definitely enough to teach me a lesson. (Not to mention that I don't have the best of luck when it comes to sharp objects.)

What did I do later that evening, you might ask. KICKBOXING.

For those of you that might not have pieced this together already, kickboxing requires boxing GLOVES. Well, about halfway through the session, I bet you can figure out how my hands were feeling. If you can't....well, let me just fill you in:

LIKE THEY HAD BEEN STUCK IN A VAT OF DEEP-FRIED ICY HOT.

Not. a. good. feeling.

I haven't touched my gloves since, and I'm kind of afraid to. Good thing I don't have class again until next week....maybe I will have completely forgot about it by then. Dear sweet Jesus, I hope wiping them out solves the problem.

Song of the day: "Tattoos On This Town" Jason Aldean

God bless DST

2011-11-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

When I first moved to Seattle, I abhorred the thought of Daylight Savings Time. I hadn't seen a clock move forward or backward since....like....NEVER. At least not that I can recollect.

Prior to Seattle I had lived in the two places in the continental United States that didn't observe DST: Indiana and Arizona.

And I kind of preferred not switching time. I still don't really see the logic in it for most locations. Here in Seattle it mostly means that in the dead of winter it will be PITCH BLACK around 4 p.m.. You know that whole Seattle-suicide tendency stereotype? I kind of think it's more from these short days than from the clouds and /or rain.

But, I have found the silver lining. That extra hour of sleep I got this morning = FUCKING GLORIOUS.

That feeling might only last for the next few days, but damn it....I'll take it. When you are at work by 7:30 a.m. every morning and you are NOT a morning person, every little bit of that extra precious sleep totally counts.

Song of the day: "Paperthin Hymn" Anberlin

Sweet invention

2011-11-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

Shatter nail polish.....God's gift to my poor finger nails.

You see, I have this thing....called IMPATIENCE.

So when I think that I have sat long enough for my nail polish to dry, I try to sit even longer, because it never seems to be long enough...and regardless, first thing I do: SMUDGE.

I think I could sit around for the better part of an hour and still somehow fuck it up. My toes, on the other hand...never an issue. I can wear flip flops with the best of them, thanks to my years spent in Arizona.

So, where this nail polish comes in....you can smudge away on that damn top coat and you CAN'T EVEN TELL that you have secretly fucked it up.

SUCCESS!

Who's winning? That would be me. Another one of life's small trials has been conquered.

Okay, okay, I know I'm being a little dramatic, but you have no idea how many times I've jacked up a manicure with my impatience.

It's the small victories, my friends.

Happy weekending!

Song of the day: "Adolescents" Incubus

My Halloween costume was better than yours

2011-11-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

No contest.

"FIRE!! HEH HEH HEH! FIRE!!"

"Beavis, you ssssuck."

And yes, that is our REAL HAIR.

You WISH you were as cool as we are.

"Breakin the law! Breakin the law!

Song of the day: "Only If For A Night" Florence and the Machine

High school shootings are rad

2011-10-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

I'm being facetious, obviously.

I just get a kick out of how many people absolutely love this song and have no idea what they are singing about:

Let me give you a little hint:

"All the other kids, with the pumped up kicks, better run better run, outrun my gun."
"All the other kids, with the pumped up kicks, better run better run, faster than my bullet."

So catchy isn't it? I can't say much....I never get tired of hearing this song.

Song of the day: "Intro" The xx

Remember that time.....

2011-10-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

....we greased the security guard to get into the sold-out Of Montreal show?

I know in my last post I said that I would talk about my current guilty pleasures, but yeah, I've changed my mind and have decided to tell you a little story from my past instead.

Here we go....a little bit of background information first:

Location: Tempe, Arizona
Occasion: Of Montreal show
Date: Fall 2006

I went through a super indie-rock-dancing-scenester phase around this period of my life. Every weekend = indie dance party madness. My favorite hang at the time was this little dive in Phoenix called GLAM (which no longer exists unfortunately), if that tells you anything. (Some might say that I'm still in this phase, but sadly, Seattle is too cool for an indie hipster dance scene it seems...Cha Cha is about as close as it gets.) Anyway, enough of that tangent....moving on...

Of Montreal was one of my favorite bands at that time. Quirky, different, crazy weird performances....you just can't go wrong. Well, it was right before this band really blew up in the indie scene that they were on tour, so we didn't think the show would sell out at all. Rather than get into the show early and sit through the unknown openers, my little crew for the night (two chicks, three dudes) headed to the pub next door for food and cheap drinks. Certain that we would have no problem getting tickets, we took our time, got a good pre-show buzz and headed back to the entertainment venue. When we got there....

SOLD OUT.

Shit.

What were we going to do?

Well, all of the security guards were guys, so I did what any smart girl would do....I grabbed my cute girlie friend and headed right over. A little flirting later, we found that we would be able to get in right before Of Montreal began, since we could all go in the bar section of the venue.

The details: Take the empty envelope said-guard gave to me, put in a twenty dollar bill for each person entering, and be sure to hand the envelope to him when entering, with the other guards checking our ID's. Oh yeah....that guy was TOTALLY pocketing that cash.

It was only about $3 more than what we would be paying for actual tickets anyway, so it was a no-brainer.

So, what were we going to do the kill time while waiting outside at this venue....keep boozing of course. Except this time we got original. Enter the 7-Eleven next door. What can you get there? SLURPEES AND BOONE'S FARM, that's what. All I have to say is: blue raspberry + Strawberry Hill = magic.

And the happy ending to it all: we made it in, we danced our asses off, saw a crazy amazing show in a small venue, and had a great story to tell.

Happy weekending, peeps.

Song of the day: "That Time" Regina Spektor

Just another sad love song

2011-10-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

I told a few of my friends last week that I really absolutely have nothing right now to complain about when it comes to my life. I am generally happy overall.

But, there is just one thing that is kind of missing.

Someone to share that happiness.

So, mister....whoever/wherever you are....I have my shit together. Hope to run into you some day :).

(Sorry I've been MIA, folks. Work has been trying to chew me up and spit me out. Coming tomorrow, confessions of some guilty pleasures I've been indulging in lately.)

Song of the day: "Don't Move" Phantogram

A true fan

2011-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I put my ever-faithful Indianapolis Colts pride to work on Sunday.

Essentially, I got kicked out of the bar I was cheering in :). (Or was getting ready to, had I not left when I did.)

Even though my team lost, I made sure everyone in that place knew that I was a Colts fan to the bitter end. They were pretty thankful when I left, to say the least.

Maybe not something one should be super proud of......ah, but thinking of it this week sure makes me smile. Even I am entitled to be an obnoxious badass every once in awhile.

Song of the day: "Houdini" Foster The People

My brain is all hung up on fluffy kitties and shit.

2011-09-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile, I think my brain gets tired of throwing maniacally insane natural disaster nightmares my way. And for these extra special moments it instead prefers to pull out itty bitty fluffy kitties.

Yes....me....and.....fluffy kitties.

Not a likely pair. Me and kitties, that is.

And for whatever goddamn reason I am always rescuing the little critters. And I'm not a cat person. What the hell?

This morning I decided it was a good idea to get in that last half hour of sleep after I had taken my dog out for his little morning tinkle/walk before I had to get ready and head into work (it's still dark when I go to work now, mind you, so we are talking EARLY). Well, apparently morning and REM sleep for moi just go hand-in-freakin-hand.

So here goes my brain. My friend and I are at this busy intersection, and for Lord knows what reason I have five little kittens in my vehicle. Somehow these little fluff heads get out and start running for the hills. What does this girl do? Starts raving like a lunatic trying to scoop them all up to safety away from the crazy cars flying through the intersection.

And about the time I'm about to get plowed into by a truck....BAM. I'm awake.

Fucking kitties....you're going to be the death of me.

Song of the day: "Barton Hallow" The Civil Wars

"It's always darkest before the dawn"

2011-09-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

THIS SONG IS AMAZING. And I think it's one that everyone should keep around in their back pocket, for those times when it is absolutely necessary.

Song of the day: "Shake It Out" Florence & The Machine

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a final mess but it's left me so empty
It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh woah, oh woah...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

The trip of a lifetime

2011-09-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am thrilled to announce that I am making plans to go to my friend's wedding next spring....in New Zealand.

BOW CHICKA BOW BOW.

I am on the hunt for plane tickets.....watch out Kiwis!

(And that is all.)

Song of the day: "Set Fire To The Rain" Adele

Hiiiii-yaaaaaaaa

2011-09-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

Enough is enough.

This lady has put on some extra pounds that SHALL BE SHED.

THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION. (Not even drunkorexia....my liver just can't take the damage.)

So, while I will be starting back on my beloved hot yoga, I am not content with just that. I'm adding KICKBOXING to the mix. That way I can get skinny AND kick your ass at the same time. Not to mention the bills I will save on therapy for the stress relief I will be getting.

But, man oh man, I just know I am going to be sore as HELL. Once again, a wonderful reason for me to continue hot yoga.

The instructor I spoke with at the martial arts studio I will be attending reiterated to me that there are plenty of beginners in his classes, so I will be just fine. If I could illustrate the mental picture I have in my head of myself trying this out for the first time....well, let's just say you would be laughing your ass off.

Here's to not twisting my knees/ankles/elbows along the way. Whining to ensue come Tuesday, so be prepared, lovely readers.

Song of the day: "Only Prettier" Miranda Lambert

The older woman

2011-09-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's happening....and a hell of a lot sooner than I thought it would.

I'm becoming THE OLDER WOMAN.

And I'm not even 30 for Chrissakes!

Seriously, all of the men that are older than me are either married....or totally screwed up in some way. Or hiding out in some super secret fantasy football lair.

I'm fairly certain I have ranted about this before, but it warrants a few more paragraphs.

It would nice for me to say age is just a number, but that is never the case. Age is experience, age is life lessons, age is looks (shallow, I know), and age is maturity (although when it comes to men, the level is always questionable).

And I absolutely love how the younger guys don't have a problem with older women at all. In fact, I think it's a novelty to them, which makes sense I suppose. Older does equal experience in most cases, but my my my how the tables will turn once they get to be our age. Then THEY will be after the younger ones.

As a woman you just can't win these days, can you? Unless you aren't really looking for a meaningful relationship. If you're looking for some pretty amazing sex, I guess being the older woman puts you in pretty damn good spot.

Anyway, enough of my whining. I suppose I should be taking advantage of these situations while I can :).

Song of the day: "That Summer" Garth Brooks

Drunkorexia

2011-09-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

I am finding that "drunkorexia" is becoming quite a bit more common.

Definition: partying and exhausting oneself so much that you either never feel like eating, or forget to eat completely (and/or getting shit-face plastered so much that you vomit a couple of times a week)....to the point of unhealthily and drastically losing weight.

Aside from the obvious, there are some MAJOR downsides to this "diet."

1.) Skinny doesn't = healthy and/or attractive (in this case you usually look coked-out)
2.) If you gain any of that weight back....it's going to come back as PURE FAT.

Sadly, I have some acquaintances that have been traveling down this path for quite some time. And the things that from an outside perspective you notice that should be major red flags, don't pick up on their radar at all. By major red flags I mean: hospitalization for dehydration and exhaustion.

And you know a person hasn't picked up on this red flag when they are out the very next night ("drinking" or not). Maybe this is some thinly-veiled criticism, but if you are posting all of this information up online (which is commonly the case from what I've been seeing), I kind of think you might be asking for some judgement. Maybe that's not necessarily the attention they are looking for, but looking from the outside-in, it sure doesn't look good.

That's just my opinion, and I am putting it up for the world to see, so if you want to hack away at it, do what you will. The benefit of the doubt would be that these people are crying for some sort of help in their own way. But it's hard to help someone that is completely in denial that there is a problem at all.

Am I completely innocent when it comes to this madness....probably not. There have been times in my life that I have been way too stressed, have went out way too much, and lost too much weight. I can honestly say my appetite was affected, but more often than not in my personal experiences, I have continued eating, but have had such issues with anxiety that I just burn all of the calories off.

I can't complain about anything at the moment. I could use to lose a few extra pounds, but I have recently realized that when I'm happy with my life, I do tend to have a little extra cushion, and that's okay with me. That being said, I certainly don't want to gain any more than is necessary, but find that I'm more proud of the fact that I'm willing to go out there and put in the work in a healthy manner to accomplish my weight goals.

Well, damn....how grown up did that sound?

Song of the day: "Is There A Ghost?" Band of Horses

Stepmom, and other random opinions

2011-09-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

Last night called for a little bit of grocery shopping and relaxation. And by relaxation, I mean, eating pizza and watching incredibly cheesy movies.

Enter the movie, Stepmom, starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon.

I've got Julia Roberts' character's back 100% in this movie. Susan Sarandon is the biggest bitch mom character in the world. I would've punched her in the face for all of the shit she pulled in this film. Being all jealous and pulling that bullshit buying those Pearl Jam tickets. That was Julia's IDEA!!!

(YES...these are the ponderings of my mind. I get a little personal when it comes to my movies.)

The coolest part of Stepmom is that it takes place in New York, and they use this AMAZING house as one of the main scenes. I love big homey-looking houses.

Anyway, speaking of New York, and figuring I'm due to run off on some random tangent....I suppose I should say something about 9/11. I mean, everyone else is, right?

But, what I have to say isn't probably what the majority of the population wants to hear. While I'm all for remembering the ones we've lost, I'm not a fan of the super crazy anniversary memorial bullshit. And this is JUST MY OPINION, but I feel like by making the anniversary of it such a huge deal, we bring back all of the pain and anger even more, which....let's face it....is exactly what those heartless terrorist bastards wanted.

I know, I know....we can't go on like nothing happened. I'm not an idiot. It was a VERY BIG DEAL, and a TERRIBLE TRAGEDY. And maybe I would feel completely opposite if I had lost someone, but I kind of think not. Humbly, I think that we should redirect that sadness into something more positive. Honor those that have died, but celebrate the fact that we are still alive and free. Appreciate what we have each and every day, and remember that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow.

And that's all....my opinion on my little soapbox or whatever.

On Sunday I will probably operate just the same as I do any other day. I'll be glad for what and who I've got in my life. Think I'm cold, if you will, but we all deal with things differently. And that is all you will hear from me on the subject.

Happy weekending!

Song of the day: "Do You Want It All?" Two Door Cinema Club

Slightly shaken

2011-09-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

I know, I know....I've been MIA for awhile. But for good reason. Things have been ramping up in my life and I'll be damned if my career isn't just taking a huge leap for the better. So, I've had to buckle down for the past couple of weeks and get my learn on. Hopefully my updates will be a little more regular from here on out.

On to the actual subject though. Earthquakes.

Jesus H...I had the most crazy ass earthquake dream/nightmare the night before last. One of those "holy shit balls this is way too goddamn real" feelings. I seriously though when I woke up that the place was actually coming down. And yesterday for the remainder of the day I felt this odd premonition-like foreboding. Dear Lord, please don't let a real earthquake be comparable to what I saw/felt in that dream. Scary scary scary. And there were aftershocks in the dream too.

When you think that it couldn't get worse, there were real people that I know in this nightmare, many of them injured and freaking the fuck out. Which makes complete sense. Who wouldn't freak the fuck out?

I have always felt like I have a fairly decent imagination, which for the most part is an awesome tool to have in your toolbox, but I think my brain needs to take it down a notch.

I blame the amazing French seafood I had for dinner that night. My belly was STUFFED. To give you the run-down: pinot noir, foie gras (I know, it's horrible how they get it, but I had to try), clams, oysters, duck, and creme brulee. HEAVEN.

One stuffed tummy and $80-ish later, a shaken up lady is what you get. Oh well, totally worth it. And enough about my crazy dreams. I will have something more interesting to chat about tomorrow.

Song of the day: "Bigger Than Us" White Lies

Well hello there, College Station!

2011-08-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

I do check my site analytics regularly, and it appears that I have a new fan in College Station, Texas! I normally wouldn't bring up such fans, but this person is blowing my site outta the water :). An average of 44 pageviews PER visit! Surely this is a robot, or something.

Sometimes I don't think people realize how granular the data can get when it comes to site analysis...even on a free blog like this. I can see what city you're in, your service provider, the pages you visit (which comes in super handy if someone is trying to jack your content)...how many pages you visit, the source of entry, your browser, mobile or non-mobile, how long you're on the site, and so on and so forth.

Most of the time I admire the folks I see checking out the site, and can tell that the majority are friends of mine that are just keeping up on my latest rant, but when something random like this comes through, it requires a little more investigation :).

Dear College Station, I appreciate your enthusiasm for my blog, and as long as you aren't doing anything with my content that you shouldn't be doing, I welcome you!

Song of the day: "Get Some" Lykke Li

Does stuff like this actually happen?

2011-08-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

Last week (and lately in general, really) I was feeling super girlie, so I was all about relaxing and catching up on some chick flicks.

Thank you, on-demand, for serving up Something Borrowed on a silver platter. I was totally sucked in from the beginning, and I blame Ginnifer Goodwin....she's very easy to relate to.

But REALLY, does shit like this ever happen in real life....and ACTUALLY work out? I don't think so.

SPOILER:
You do not have sex with your best friend's fiance (multiple times), then end up happily ever after with the guy, and also back on speaking terms with that best friend shortly thereafter. You either get one or the other, and you're usually better off if you keep your friend. (Hello...dude just screwed around on his FIANCE with you. Enter DOUBT.)

In the end, all this movie really makes me want to do is move to the Hamptons. (And do this lovely dance number to Salt N Pepa.) Sigh.

Real life isn't so simple. Want to see a movie with a REAL take on some relationship issues? Watch The Last Kiss. Real, dirty, complicated, pain.

Anyway, sorry I've been MIA lately....getting ready to start a new job, so things have been busy!

Song of the day: "You Kill Me" Paper Route

Stupid fads

2011-08-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Today on the street I encountered one of the most ridiculous fads I've seen to-date.

BAREFOOT SHOES

Not only are they a fad....but....also an oxymoron.

"Barefoot" and "shoes." If you don't get that one, well shit...

These things are ugly as sin. I'm sure they have some sort of special functionality, but for me their functionality is making you look like an idiot.

I'm pretty sure the guy wearing them worked at Amazon. But, that's another rant all together. I'll save THAT one for another day.

Song of the day: "Not Just A Girl" She Wants Revenge

The golden rule

2011-08-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Practical tips for living the Golden Rule in your daily life (via zenhabits):

1. Practice empathy. Make it a habit to try to place yourself in the shoes of another person. Any person. Loved ones, co-workers, people you meet on the street. Really try to understand, to the extent that you can, what it is like to be them, what they are going through, and why they do what they do.

2. Practice compassion. Once you can understand another person, and feel what they’re going through, learn to want to end their suffering. And when you can, take even a small action to somehow ease their suffering in some way.

3. How would you want to be treated? The Golden Rule doesn’t really mean that you should treat someone else exactly as you’d want them to treat you … it means that you should try to imagine how they want to be treated, and do that. So when you put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself how you think they want to be treated. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated if you were in their situation. John F. Kennedy did that during the controversial days of de-segregation in the 1960s, asking white Americans to imagine being looked down upon and treated badly based only on the color of their skin. He asked them to imagine how they would want to be treated if they were in that situation, and act accordingly towards the blacks.

4. Be friendly. When in doubt, follow this tip. It’s usually safe to be friendly towards others. Of course, there are times when others just don’t want someone acting friendly towards them, and you should be sensitive to that. You should also be friendly within the bounds of appropriateness. But who doesn’t like to feel welcome and wanted?

5. Be helpful. This is probably one of the weaknesses of our society. Sure, there are many people who go out of their way to be helpful, and I applaud them. But in general there is a tendency to keep to yourself, and to ignore the problems of others. Don’t be blind to the needs and troubles of others. Look to help even before you’re asked.

6. Be courteous in traffic. Another weakness of our society. There are few times when we are as selfish as when we’re driving. We don’t want to give up the right of way, we cut people off, we honk and curse. Perhaps it’s the isolation of the automobile. We certainly don’t act that rude in person, most of the time. So try to be courteous in traffic.

7. Listen to others. Another weakness: we all want to talk, but very few of us want to listen. And yet, we all want to be listened to. So take the time to actually listen to another person, rather than just wait your turn to talk. It’ll also go a long way to helping you understand others.

8. Overcome prejudice. We all have our prejudices, whether it’s based on skin color, attractiveness, height, age, gender … it’s human nature, I guess. But try to see each person as an individual human being, with different backgrounds and needs and dreams. And try to see the commonalities between you and that person, despite your differences.

9. Stop criticism. We all have a tendency to criticize others, whether it’s people we know or people we see on television. However, ask yourself if you would like to be criticized in that person’s situation. The answer is almost always “no”. So hold back your criticism, and instead learn to interact with others in a positive way.

10. Don’t control others. It’s also rare that people want to be controlled. Trust me. So don’t do it. This is a difficult thing, especially if we are conditioned to control people. But when you get the urge to control, put yourself in that person’s shoes. You would want freedom and autonomy and trust, wouldn’t you? Give that to others then.

11. Be a child. The urge to control and criticize is especially strong when we are adults dealing with children. In some cases, it’s necessary, of course: you don’t want the child to hurt himself, for example. But in most cases, it’s not. Put yourself in the shoes of that child. Remember what it was like to be a child, and to be criticized and controlled. You probably didn’t like it. How would you want to be treated if you were that child?

12. Send yourself a reminder. Email yourself a daily reminder (use Google Calendar or memotome.com, for example) to live your life by the Golden Rule, so you don’t forget.

13. Tie a string to your finger. Or give yourself some other reminder throughout the day so that you don’t forget to follow the Golden Rule in all interactions with others. Perhaps a fake golden ring on your keychain? A tattoo? :)

14. Post it on your wall or make it your home page. The Golden Rule makes a great mantra, and a great poster.

15. Rise above retaliation. We have a tendency to strike back when we’re treated badly. This is natural. Resist that urge. The Golden Rule isn’t about retaliation. It’s about treating others well, despite how they treat you. Does that mean you should be a doormat? No … you have to assert your rights, of course, but you can do so in a way where you still treat others well and don’t strike back just because they treated you badly first. Remember Jesus’ wise (but difficult to follow) advice: turn the other cheek.

16. Be the change. Gandhi famously told us to be the change we want to see in the world. Well, we often think of that quote as applying to grand changes, such as poverty and racism and violence. Well, sure, it does apply to those things … but it also applies on a much smaller scale: to all the small interactions between people. Do you want people to treat each other with more compassion and kindness? Then let it start with you. Even if the world doesn’t change, at least you have.

17. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice how your actions affect others, especially when you start to treat them with kindness, compassion, respect, trust, love. But also notice the change in yourself. Do you feel better about yourself? Happier? More secure? More willing to trust others, now that you trust yourself? These changes come slowly and in small increments, but if you pay attention, you’ll see them.

18. Say a prayer. There is a prayer on the Golden Rule, attributed to Eusebius of Caesarea, that would be worth saying once a day. It includes the following lines, among others:
"May I gain no victory that harms me or my opponent.
May I reconcile friends who are mad at each other.
May I, insofar as I can, give all necessary
help to my friends and to all who are in need.
May I never fail a friend in trouble."

More people need to take heed of this message than you might think.

Have a great weekend.

Song of the day: "Cough Syrup" Young the Giant

A new adventure

2011-08-01T16:05:00.001-07:00

I have a new blog concept in the works...something that will be both a challenge and an adventure. I would tell you more, but there is quite a bit of work to be done before I launch it.

Juicy stuff, I tell you!

Okay, weather....cooperate please

2011-07-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

I am honestly about as pale as one can be in the middle of summer. I even spent almost three weeks in the Midwest, where it was hotter than hell, and I still don't have a tan (because I was inside working the entire time).

The plan for this weekend. Hiking, horseback riding, and laying in the sun...in no particular order.

I think some cold fruity drinks are in order as well. Maybe something like this (image courtesy of Sweet paul):

Yes, please!

I am really due for a beach day. Maybe I will split hiking and horseback riding on Saturday, and then just spend Sunday recuperating in the sand. Please, let the weather stay nice! Vitamin D is necessary!

Here's a toast to my white ass :).

Song of the day: "Age of Consent" New Order

Shitty commercials

2011-07-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

I saw the following commercial last night, and completely rolled my eyes in disgust:

The opening shot just annoys the hell out of me. I'm sorry, but if I meet you at the top of a mountain and you have your whatever-tablet out taking photos or doing some other technological shit...I'm going to push you off the edge of the damn thing. You've gone too far.

What's next, yupheads? Skyping from the Amazon? Isn't the whole idea to be somewhat disconnected in the wilderness?

I feel like this commercial should get a spot on the site: Stuff White People Like

What commercials annoy you?

Song of the day: "Crazy Girl" Eli Young Band

So, I'm not on drugs, but....

2011-07-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

...I think my brain thinks IT is.

I am still continuing to have some of the most RANDOM f-ed up dreams EVER. Last night, I dreamed about swimming donkeys.

Yup. The little donkeys were just swimming around in this deep brick pool and you could just throw weighted toys to the bottom and they would completely submerge to go fetch them for you. Maybe they weren't really donkeys...more like burros.

THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE.

Only in my brain does shit like this happen. Aside from my narcissistic sarcasm, sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't be writing books for children. My sleeping brain apparently has the knack for it. I mean, think about The Wizard of Oz...surely those flying monkeys came from a similar vision?

I have got to start writing these things down. Maybe I can write the next Harry Potter series (gag)!

Song of the day: "Australia" The Shins

Irony

2011-07-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

You know what makes zero sense? This:

Unsubscribing from an e-mail blast, then get a confirmation e-mail that you unsubscribed.

So wrong.

Song of the day: "You Know I'm No Good" Amy Winehouse

What the....

2011-07-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that my mother was pregnant. It was really really weird...not only due to the fact that my mom is in her mid-60's, but in that it made me think, "I would have made a great older sister." I've never thought of myself that way before.

It would have been nice to have had a younger sibling. But I'm lucky to have two fantastic older ones. It's strange...we've gotten closer as years have gone on, but I don't really think they truly "know" me. Neither of them have come to visit me since I've moved away from Indiana. Come to think of it, neither of them came to see me when I was in college at Purdue (two hours away from home) either. That's a lot of years where they have only seen me when I'm interacting at home in smalltown, USA. Believe me, there is a difference in how I am there versus how I am here.

I love them for who they are, but just a piece of advice to all of those other older siblings out there...these things do matter on some scale. Sometimes I pretend it isn't that big of a deal, but in the reality of it all, when my parents are gone (which better not be for a LONG time)...will I ever see the rest of my family if I always have to come to them?

My dad would tell you it's a convenience thing. Like I purposely moved far away just so that it would be inconvenient or something. Sort of like, "Well, it's your own fault for moving so far away." To which my reply would be something like, "Well Jesus...didn't know it was so "inconvenient" for me to BE ME, even if that is different from what you're used to."

I have to give props to my mother and father though. They stayed with me twice when I lived down in Arizona, and they have every intention on coming to see me when my mother is back in good health.

This whole post might sound a little narcissistic, so on the other hand, I want to note that not only do I wish my siblings knew me better, but I wish that they would come to visit so that I could show them so many things that they have never seen or experienced before. But I suppose everyone's comfort zone has it's limits...I guess I just wish they would push theirs a little bit more.

Have a great weekend. Toodles.

Song of the day: "I And Love And You" The Avett Brothers

Life of an American girl

2011-07-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

If you are a female who is mid-twenties or older, READ. THIS. BOOK.

Anthropology of an American Girl: A Novel by Hilary Thayer Hamann

"Boys will be boys, that's what people say. No one ever mentions how girls have to be something other than themselves altogether. We are to stifle the same feelings that boys are encouraged to display. We are to use gossip as a means of policing ourselves -- this way those who do succumb to sex but are not damaged by it are damaged instead by peer malice. Girls demand a covenant because if one gives in, others will be expected to do the same. We are to remain united in cruelty, ignorance, and aversion. Or we are to starve the flesh from our bones, penalizing the body for its nature, castigating ourselves for advances we are powerless to prevent. We are to make false promises then resist the attentions solicited. Basically we are to become expert liars."

"Lying is a full time occupation, even if you tell just one, because once you tell it, you're stuck with it. If you want to do it right, you have to visualize it, conjure the graphics, tone, and sequence of action, then relate it purposefully in the midst of seemingly spontaneous dialogue. The more actual the lie becomes to the listener, the more actual it becomes to the teller, which is scariest of all. Some people really get to believing their own lies."

"Having to talk to people was one thing, but soliciting conversation was something else entirely. If I acted squirmy or didn't make eye contact, they would want to know what was wrong, and I would have to say "nothing," since nothing really was wrong. Nothing is an easy thing to feel but a difficult thing to express. It's impossible to describe nothing without seeming sneaky."

If those quotes aren't convincing enough, you should read the rest of the book. Beautifully written, it pours out exquisite truths about the life of contemporary females.

Song of the day: "All We Want Baby Is Everything" Handsome Furs

One of the scariest rides of my life

2011-07-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

When I arrived at the Sea-Tac airport late the other night, I tried my damnedest to make the last light rail train into downtown Seattle.

I missed it by TWO minutes.

At this point, I had already made up my mind that I wasn't going to spend $40 on a cab ride back, so I was looking at catching a bus back to my home. I mean, $2.50 bus vs. $40 cab....no brainer, right?

WRONG.

I don't think I've ever felt SO unsafe in quite some time. The bus that I needed to take to get me downtown went straight through the Sea-Tac area. Think hookers, johns, pimps, drug dealers, junkies...and just a handful of random normal people. Of course I didn't realize this until I was ALREADY on the bus. DEFINITELY wasn't getting off of it at any point until I reached somewhere closer to home.

My fears probably weren't helped much by the fact that only a week earlier I had watched a movie about the Green River Killer. Let's just say, I pulled my hood up over my head and avoided eye contact at all costs. I also stayed as close as I could to the front of the bus, where the "normal" people were all sitting, hoping that if some doped-up nutbasket tried to jack my bag I would have some back-up or something. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, given security when it comes to public transportation.

Luckily enough for me, the ride only took about 15 minutes and then I transferred onto a MUCH safer bus that went straight past my apartment.

NOTE TO SELF: Always check to see where the bus route goes through before boarding. AVOID CREEPS-VILLE!

Unless you are in the mood for hookers and crack, that is.

Song of the day: "Pull My Heart Away" Jack Penate

The second greatest horse of all time

2011-06-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about Secretariat, of course. (Since MY HORSE, Shy Guy, is the number one greatest best most amazing adorable sweetest horse in the entire universe...duh.)

After watching the movie that came out earlier this year, I was convinced that there had to be quite a bit more to the story (which is more about the horse's owner, Penny Tweedy), and since the great horse's glory days were before I was born, I figured I was due to read the book the movie was based on.

So, I did. (Secretariat, by William Nack) And it was very informative. Very factual, lots of details...some of which felt like they dragged down the excitement of the story at times, but to a certain niche audience, the information regarding breeding and bloodlines could prove to be very interesting.

But when it comes to the horse, it's a different story than the types that are usually made into movies. Secretariat was never the "underdog" type...he basically kicked ass all over the place from the very beginning of his career, which was of course kept short for financial (aka syndicated breeding) purposes. Aside from that, the story is just more rich people becoming richer and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on horses. There are interesting portions to read about the details of the races themselves, and the rituals and workouts that Secretariat went through to prepare for those races.

Personally, I'm have to say that I enjoy the story of Seabiscuit more, but that doesn't change the fact that Secretariat is by far the greatest race horse that has ever lived.

But you know what would be awesome...a story about ZENYATTA sometime in the future :).

Song of the day: "Jar of Hearts" Christina Perri

Save the kitties!

2011-06-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

They're back...ZOMBIE DREAMS!

Don't ask my why my brain reverts to the zombies, maybe it's some sort of symbolism for the craziness I am trying to run away from in life, I dunno.

Last night/this morning, my brain had me hiding out in the woods in some crazy old shack. To give you a little visual simulation, imagine something that looks half meth lab, half moonshine distillery. (Various Deliverance-type themes also come to mind....*cringe*)

And what do I have housed in this little shack...why, DOZENS of little kitties. Little kitties that I am protecting with a sawed-off shotgun from a horde of zombies. That's right, not only has my brain turned me into a hillbilly zombie assailant, but now...I'm THAT lady. THE. CAT. LADY. Protecting the little precious kitties from being turned into brain-eating zombie kitties!

Anyway, thank god THAT'S over.

I'm pretty sure this calls for a little Daft Punk.

Song of the day: "Da Funk" Daft Punk

The old man and the pug

2011-06-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

There is this retired/assisted-living condo community across from my workplace. There is also a small green park on my employer's property. These lovely old folks next door like to take their little old dogs on walks through this little green park.

And they do a wonderful job of cleaning up after their pets, bless their hearts, so that when my coworkers and I want to go over there to sit in the sun and eat lunch, we don't have to deal with massive piles of dog crap everywhere.

On to the point...I always see this one tall thin old man and his pug when I walk into work in the morning. Something about the elderly man makes me curious: What is his story? Is he alone (apart from said-pug)? Where did he come from? How did he end up here?

I find myself asking the same about my family. I know some of our heritage, but where did we really come from? What is our story?

Last time I was home, I made it a point to talk to my mother and father about all of my great-aunts and uncles (as there are MANY, and many of them have passed or I don't remember), and my great-grandparents. I am convinced I am going to go back this next week and gather as much information about them as I can...a little bit of a pet-project if you will. A family tree of sorts. Who knows what kind of dirt I am going to dig up.

Countdown until my Indiana trip: 6 days.

Song of the day: "Barefoot Blue Jean Night" Jake Owen

Don't you just hate it...

2011-06-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

...when your favorite blog goes days without being updated?

(Now, I'm sure mine is not on anyone's list, as it is totally just a place for me to vent useless vitriol...you know, spewing whatever bullshit might be on my mind for the day.)

But seriously, sometimes I get very disappointed when some of my favs get blogger's block. It's like when people have their usual morning coffee. There are just some things that you can't go without!

"Blogger's block" gets to me when I actually have the MOST things on my mind. It is sort of like there is just so much going on in my brain, all of that thinking and feeling (elation or frustration...it goes both ways), that I have a time of it sorting all of those thoughts out. And then deciding if I want to make those thoughts public. (Most of the time, I don't give a shit, obviously, but a person is entitled to some sense of privacy here and again.)

A lot of the time, I just like telling stories and weird snippets of the crazy happenings that appear in my life. Sometimes they are just amusing, sometimes something to learn from, and at other times it's just a way for me to look back on my life, all scrapbook-like.

But enough of the obscure ranting already. I feel creativity coming back to me slowly, so hopefully I will have something thrilling for you tomorrow. I will leave you with a song for now.

Song of the day: "Helplessness Blues" Fleet Foxes

Seismic activity

2011-06-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

The fact that construction workers have been doing seismic updates on our building for over a month now frankly has me at a bit of a loss.

I mean, the reason these updates are coming to fruition is that our employer sold the property to some real estate investors and is now the lessee of the building instead. So, my question is...how bad is it that this building has needed this much updating that hadn't been previously taken care of? Does our employer care enough about our safety? Sheesh! I'm sure I don't know it all, but being the worker that is on the side of the building that is sure to slide down the hill in an earthquake, this worries me. (Remember my rant about natural disasters?)

And talk about a pain in the ass....all I hear is drilling ALL DAY LONG. I was working from home every now and again, but a certain level of face-time is necessary in my line of work. Earphones don't even really help. And our company supplied ear plugs as well. Helloooo, shit show.

At least this is supposed to make this old building safer I guess. If not, when an earthquake hits...you will most likely find me in the rubble at the bottom of Denny Hill :(.

Have a good weekend, my friends.

Song of the day: "Starlight" Muse

The older woman?

2011-06-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

Why is it when I'm the LEAST interested in dating anyone, ALL of these men come out of the woodwork?

And not only that, but why are they all YOUNGER than me now?

Are there any single thirty-something men out there anymore? Or are they all married with children? One begins to wonder from time-to-time....

Not that I should be complaining about any of this, seriously. I just think that life has a sense of humor.

Maybe I'm just a cougar-in-training. Maybe that's it.

Watch out, boys!

Song of the day: "Starry Eyed" Ellie Goulding

Out of the doldrums

2011-06-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm finally getting back into the semi-normal-ish cycle that is MY LIFE.

THANK HEAVENS. I honestly don't think I could handle anymore of the lethargy that was taking over for the past couple of weeks. I was beginning to think something was really wrong with me health-wise!

Speaking of health, I got another chalazion excised from my eyelid today. Not so much on the fun side of things. I had never had one on my upper eyelid before, so it was a bit of a different feeling. Same procedure, just a lot less comfortable afterward. A couple eye drops and three little shots of lidocaine and my eyelid was all set to go.

Snip, snip, dab, dab, pluck, pluck, and then sizzzzzlllleeeee. Yeah, that would be the sound (and smell) of my flesh being cauterized.

Six hours later and it's just all puffy and scratchy. Luckily, my eye surgeon is a pro, and he saved my eyelashes. (Not that I was too worried...never too hard to glue some fake ones on if they do fall out, I figure. Although I have never had fake eyelashes before!)

At least it's all over. Now I get to enjoy my daily dose of flax seed oil to prevent more from forming. Yay!

Song of the day: "Dirt Road Anthem" Jason Aldean

A choice

2011-06-09T13:44:00.001-07:00

You always have a choice whether to put up with bullshit in your life or not. I think there have been many times in the past where I have let things slide and taken the path of least resistance when it comes to conflict, and believe it or not, have even let some people walk on me.

I just can't let that crap happen anymore. I don't deserve that.

I think I used to believe that the more friends I had the better off I was, but it really isn't the number of friends you have, but the quality of friends in your life.

I never truly wish to alienate anybody from my life, but it happens. I don't need the negativity. And non-reciprocal relationships...done with those too. I've always taken the high road with that particular issue, but when it comes down to it, a friend that takes and takes and doesn't give back isn't a friend at all.

So, here's a cheers to taking a positive (although not always easy) move with my life.

No more bullshit.

Song of the day: "Heavy Metal Lover" Lady Gaga

Fiction based on fact

2011-06-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

When I started reading the book below, one high profile news story came to mind. Let's see if you can figure out which news story I'm talking about.

Room by Emma Donoghue

Click here to read the New York Times review of the book.

Remind you of something? If not, let me give you a hint....

THE FRITZL CASE

So sad, but you know this is not the first, nor the last time that something horrific of this nature has/will happen. PEOPLE. ARE. TWISTED.

Just a little reminder to all of you ladies out there....it's always a good idea to carry a little can of mace. Or a stun gun. Or a real gun! (Okay, maybe I'm getting a little too carried away.)

Things like this do tempt me in terms of taking some sort of self-defense class. Hmmm....something to ponder.

Song of the day: "Favourite Food" Tokyo Police Club

Some inspiration would be nice

2011-06-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

My current mood: apathy with a tad bit of frustration.

Nothing is inspiring me AT ALL right now. Motivation is at an all-time LOW.

I could tell you more about my frustrations, but I will hold myself back...it will just suffice for me to say that I'm less-than-happy with my work situation at the moment.

(Obviously I won't elaborate, as I would probably just dig myself into a hole regarding opinion and the workplace, so the above statement should speak for itself.)

Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong line of work altogether. Who knows? Something needs to change, that's for sure. Lots of contemplation in the days to come for this lady.

I've always said that I'm done with school for good, but maybe I need to open up that possibility. ARGH...the thought of that is un-motivating as well!

If anyone has any extra tips when it comes to getting inspired...hook a sista up, please.

In the mean time, I will just have to watch clips and read quotes from this site all day: I Feel Unmotivated

Look for a book review in the next day or so. Toodles, my friends.

Song of the day: "The Red Strokes" Garth Brooks (it's a moody country week, so be prepared)

Birthday marketing

2011-06-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

I never cease to be amazed by some of the birthday-targeted marketing that comes my way each year.

But I had one in particular I received via email that really takes the cake:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! FROM: THE PUGET SOUND BLOOD CENTER

Basically..."Glad you're a year older...think we can get some more of your blood?"

Come on, people! Can't you just give me a break for ONE DAY!

Oh well, here I am...29. It better be a good one!

Have a great weekend, my friends.

Song of the day: "American Honey" Lady Antebellum

She grew up on the side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey

Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get going
But wasn't quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure and sweet
American honey

There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

Get caught in the race
Of this crazy life
Trying to be everything can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time
To American honey, yea

There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

Gone for so long now
I gotta get back to her somehow
To American honey

Ooh There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey
And American honey

Some days....

2011-05-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Some days I think I just want to be a waitress in some small town diner. The kind of small town where nothing significant happens from day-to-day. Where you just get to hear all of the local gossip...how so-and-so got shit-faced at the honky-tonk on Saturday, and how big the turnout was for whichever charity's BBQ fundraiser.

Not my home town, but another small town, where I get the chance to be more of an outsider looking in.

I have many random thoughts like this...on which direction I want my life to take next. I chalk it up to my birthday being right around the corner. Just a few more days and I'll be 29. One year older, none the wiser, right?

I've always been the type of person who's afraid I am missing out on something, which is why you will find that I'm rarely idle. When people ask me out to do something, or to take a trip somewhere, most of the time I will go for it. Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'.

But every once in awhile I find myself wondering if I need to slow down and savor more of the small things in life. Do I make the right decisions? Not always.

Maybe I'm just waiting for a sign to point me in the right direction. I have a vague road map of where my life should be going, and when forced with a fork in the road, I tend to take the "one less traveled by."

But what if it's the wrong road altogether?

Just another day of random rambling tangents from my brain...

Song of the day: "Hospital Beds" Cold War Kids

I think I can, I think I can....

2011-05-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of idleness hanging out at a hospital has created an issue in my life. Weight gain.

I'm not talking HOLY-SHIT-I'M-HUGE weight gain...more like MY-PANTS-ARE-A-LIL-TIGHT weight gain.

But I am still not okay with this.

My solution...get even more fit than I was before. TOTALLY setting the bar over here.

Already moving forward on this one, as I did a good job of healthy grocery shopping this week. Next step, incorporating my workout routine.

It's been a little bit hard to get back in the groove of keeping active, as my body got so fucked up from being in different time zones and eating routines while I was away. But I'm back to riding my horse, so that's a start. The other forms of activity that I am going to be incorporating are hiking and hot yoga, with a possibility of some running in there somewhere.

I absolutely love hiking on the weekends, and living in Washington means that I never have to hike the same place twice. And hot yoga is just completely amazing. I feel so refreshed and at peace after going.

Now, running....this is the extra addition to my plan. Whether or not it will truly work out is a mystery. The last few times that I've tried to get into a moderate running regimen, my back felt completely jacked up. I had fairly new running shoes, and the rest of my joints were fine, but something about it just got me completely out of line. But, I would like to compete in a few races (some smaller 5 and 10k runs) this summer, so I will just give it another go and see what happens. I truly used to love distance running when I was younger, but I think I just got so burnt out on it that it has made it more difficult for me to find the desire to do so again. And I just refuse to pay for a gym membership for any other cardio (elliptical/stairmaster/etc.) when I already pay to go to my hot yoga studio.

My health has to be budget friendly, people!

We shall see if I can stick to it. Recipes and updates are sure to follow in the coming months. Wish me luck!

Song of the day: "Words I Never Said" Lupe Fiasco feat. Skylar Grey

Dream bed

2011-05-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

All of those days visiting my mother in the hospital must finally be getting to my brain. Because I keep having these dreams about mechanical beds.

Luckily, for once, I am not having some ridiculous nightmare. (Which would actually be interesting, given the whole bed scenario.) But rather, I dream that I am a mad scientist who comes up with a pretty rad idea for a new mechanical bed.

But the bed isn't made for hospital patients...it's made for people that have problems getting out of bed in the morning. (Case in point = moi. I <3 my bed.)

Basically, you set a sort-of "alarm" on the bed for the last possible minute that you need to get out of bed by, and the bed automatically changes your position and eventually boots you out on your ass if you don't get out of bed prior to that last minute.

The only issue with this invention is that you would have to have some sort of corresponding couch that is in sync with the bed alarm, otherwise, if you're sneaky, you can just move from one to the other!

I'm in the wrong line of work...can't you tell? Or maybe my brain is just trying to tell me that I need to catch up on some zzzzz's.

Song of the day: "Hell On The Heart" Eric Church (this is what two weeks in Indiana does to me...brings me back to more country music!)

Yes, I am still alive

2011-05-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE....I KNOW.

But, there is something completely satisfying about knowing that I've been exactly where I needed to be for the past couple of weeks....with my family :).

Looking forward to getting back to the swing of things though!

Song of the day: "Seasun" Delorean

"Tell the world I'm coming home"

2011-05-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure that I will be updating my blog much next week, but I'll do what I can from my remote location in Indiana :).

Have a great weekend!

Song of the day: "I'm Coming Home" J. Cole feat. Skylar Grey

The sidewalks of Seattle....

2011-05-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

...are not made for walking in heels or wedges. AT ALL.

Now that it's TRYING to get a little bit warmer (I don't know that 48 degrees today counts), I've been making it a point to stop wearing my Pumas and Chuck Taylors so much and break out my heels and wedges since I have some pretty darn cute pairs just hanging out at home.

But, the streets of Seattle just don't want to cooperate. I seriously don't think there is a sidewalk that isn't broken and cracked and uneven anywhere in this city.

And the material that the sidewalks are made out of in the first place...nowhere near smooth. Very easily a nightmare for anyone wearing pumps or stilettos. But alas, I shall triumph...no reason for me to have all of these shoes and not get to wear them!

Especially these beauties that I picked up last week with a lovely gift card I had left over from Christmas!

Song of the day: "Madder Red" Yeasayer

My family. My home.

2011-05-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

My load feels a lot lighter today. I'm very grateful to announce that my mother came through from her surgery this morning with flying colors. She's one tough woman, and I'm sure she will blow her recovery time out of the water.

I wish I was at home already, but the plan is for me to maximize my time off of work by leaving this weekend to help my mother when she returns to my parents' home, when she will truly need help getting around. I will be there for an entire seven or eight days, which is like an eternity for me when it comes to being in Indiana, but I won't regret being there in the least!

Family comes first.

Song of the day: "Girls Like You" The Naked And Famous

Hitting close to home

2011-04-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

After having lived in Arizona for four years, I have certainly heard my share about illegal immigrants. I won't tell you on which side of the "big argument" I lie, but I can tell you the one thing that is a travesty is the number of people that lose their lives in the desert trying to make it to the promised land that I get to call "home."

I just finished reading The Devil's Highway: A True Story by Luis Alberto Urrea, which details the story of the infamous Wellton 26, a group of immigrants that tried to take the journey through one of the deadliest stretches of land into the United States.

Only 12 of the 26 men survived.

"The dead...are stretched in angular poses, caught in last gasps or shouts, their eyes burned an eerie red by the sun...like wax-and-paper torsos in a gas station Dungeon of Terror." Not for the faint of heart, Highway is a riveting account of the 2001 border crossing of 26 Mexican men into the stretch of Arizona desert commonly called the Devil's Highway -- a nod to its ghastly history of rotting corpses and scorching conditions. Urrea's exhaustive research and incisive analysis provide searing sociopolitical context, while his poetic prose viscerally captures the group's horror at being abandoned by their guide and the ritualistic death march that claimed 14 lives.

-review by Raymond Fiore

Check out this interactive map, for an idea of the conditions these immigrants were facing.

If you've ever been to southern Arizona, you will understand that the idea of crossing that much territory in the dry heat is absolutely crazy. It's a beautiful, but deadly land. Who knows how many lives it's claimed.

Song of the day: "Coyote Song" Conor Oberst

Drama!

2011-04-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

There is something amazing about the fact that there were a few bits of drama over the weekend that I got to witness...and none of them had anything to do with me!

Nothing like a light load on your shoulders, that's all I can say.

Drama-free is the way to be.

Book reviews coming for you tomorrow!

Song of the day: "Bang Bang" Nancy Sinatra

My internal clock battery is dead

2011-04-21T10:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday (Wednesday) when I got into the office I thought it was Tuesday. Obviously I missed a day in there somewhere.

And then last night I had a dream that yesterday (Wednesday) was actually Friday, and when my alarm went off this morning I couldn't figure it out...why would I set my alarm for Saturday?

Maybe it's because ever since I got my tattoo I haven't been wearing a watch on my wrist, but that really doesn't account for getting my days all switched around. Or I don't have enough variety in my week to distinguish the separate days. Or maybe I'm just too damn busy!

I know what it is...I don't have a desk calendar this year! ACK!

And the sucky thing is now that it's a third of the way through the year, it's really not worth going out and getting a daily calendar anyway.

Shit.

Song of the day: "Catholic Pagans" Surfer Blood

From one day to the next

2011-04-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

My brain must be highly confused. Or maybe it's just the cosmic forces of the earth sending my thoughts all helter skelter. Only when I'm sleeping though. Go figure.

Let's put it this way. The night before last I had what can only be considered as a nightmare. Why nightmare? Well, I'll just say that it involved me, and a baby, and an ex-boyfriend...fighting over custody of said baby. UM, YEAH...believe me. I woke up in a panicky sweat from that one. HELLLLLLLLL NO. First off, me + baby = scary thought. Second, me + ex fighting for custody of anything...well, I would probably just slap him a little harder than the last time I REALLY (not a dream) slapped him for cheating on me.

And then, last night, THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE happened. I had one of the best dreams I've had in a long time. In the dream I met this truly amazing guy (freakishly similar to afore-mentioned ex in terms of looks, but WAY better in terms of intelligence and thoughtfulness, thank god)...and NO BABIES or CUSTODY BATTLES were involved. I don't know how to really explain it other than sheer happiness. Clearly I was sleeping like a rock.

Ah men...can't live with 'em. Can't live without 'em.

Or something like that. I really don't care so much anymore!

Song of the day: "You Lie" The Band Perry

Putting a period at the end of the sentence

2011-04-15T13:35:00.001-07:00

One chapter is ending, and another is beginning in this girl's life. Glad that you all have been able to come along for the ride.

"And if you're ever left with any doubt
What you live with and what you'll do without
I'm only sorry that it took so long to figure out"

Have a wonderful weekend :).

Song of the day: "Evening Kitchen" Band of Horses

The power of peanut butter

2011-04-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

You can always tell when I'm running out of groceries, and when I become increasingly broke...by what I bring to lunch at work.

That's right. It's peanut butter/jelly time.

And the best part is that I do not get tired of it. I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. AND...I LOVE JELLY TOO! Mostly because I use a particular kind of jelly....my mom's.

You heard it straight from the horse's mouth. Every time I go home to Indiana, I pack back a couple of jars of blackberry jelly from my parents' house. BECAUSE IT'S THAT GOOD.

That being said - I really need to do some grocery shopping this weekend. I'm kind of in a funk today, so hopefully things will get better in the next few days.

Song of the day: "NYC-Gone, Gone" Conor Oberst

Good vs. evil - the Seattle Metro version

2011-04-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

I could probably create a blog solely about Seattle Metro experiences. You just never know who you're going to run into on the bus system here.

Work commuters, homeless people, drug addicts, alcoholics, crack heads, and just FLAT OUT CRAZIES unite in a confined space for a certain period of time. Let me tell you, sometimes WORLDS COLLIDE.

...usually in a bad way. But sometimes in a good way, like this morning!

Remember the bitter bus driver I told you about? (If not, follow the link to hear his story.) Well, he was driving and being his usual bitter self this morning, except that he had a little buddy sitting right in the front of the bus telling everyone who was getting onto the bus, "Good morning," and everyone who was getting off of the bus, "Have a nice day." Not just a few people here and there, but EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

So, when three people would leave the bus at the same time, he would say, "Have a nice day," three times in a row, as quickly as he could. As you can imagine, the cranky bus driver was getting a little hot under the collar, but didn't say anything to the man at all. Most of the people that were leaving the bus were really appreciative of this man's enthusiasm and positivity, but the people that were just getting on the bus were generally a little confounded. All I could do was sit a few seats down and smile. And when I headed off the bus, I responded with a, "You too," to the happy man and a, "Thank you," to the cranky bus driver. Figured I might as well start my day off on the right foot.

I really think all of us could use a little more of the happiness that man was sharing. Maybe the sunshine this week will bring it all out of us :).

Song of the day: "White Nights" Oh Land

In need of a REAL vacation

2011-04-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be in beautiful Captiva, Florida right now for one of my best friend's weddings this weekend. Oh, but life has a way of throwing you curves.

I traded in my time off and my plane ticket for this vacation in exchange for a trip back home to Indiana in May to take care of my mom after she has surgery to have a portion of her bowel removed. It's the right thing to do, and I don't regret my decision to do so, but I sure do need a little bit of "me" time at some point.

Seriously, the last time I was out of town I went to Portland, which is awesome, but it was just an overnighter. Before that it was back home to Indiana for Christmas, and before that it was San Diego....BACK IN FREAKING AUGUST.

It is now April. And I am in dire need of a damn sunny beach.

So, I am thinking that I might try to take off for the Oregon coast on the first or second weekend in June, which is coincidentally my birthday (29 this year....yay). I've never been, and it probably won't be as warm as I would like, but it's better than nothing.

Anyway, not much else worth speaking of today. Sorry I'm so boring, kids.

Have a good weekend :).

Song of the day: "Lost In My Mind" The Head and The Heart

I've been waiting all this time...to be something I can't define

2011-04-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a week of cool songs...even some old ones I haven't heard in awhile. Check out an oldie but goody at the bottom of my post today.

In other news, something I'm kind of proud of: I am about 22 lbs. lighter than I was at this time last year. YES. IT CAN BE DONE.

I would like to thank hot yoga, horseback riding, hiking, healthier eating (sometimes), not-so-healthy weekend liquid diets (aka hangover = not feeling like eating much), stress, and just a TADDDDD of anxiety.

Eh, take what you can get, people!

Song of the day: "First Single" The Format

"I can't stand to think about
A heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God I gave my best
But for three whole years to end like this

Well do you want to fall apart
I can't stop if you cant start
Do you want to fall apart
I could if you can try to fix what I've undone
Cause I hate what I've become

You know me,
Oh you think you do you, you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define so let's
Cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me

I could stand to do without
All the people I have left behind
Whats the point in going around
When it's a straight line baby, a straight line down

So lets make a list of who we need
And its not much, if anything
Lets make a list of who we need
And we'll throw it away cause we don't need anyone
No we don't need anyone

You know me,
Oh you think you do you, you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define so let's
Cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me
And I hate what I've become...

You know the night life is just not for me
Cause all you really need are a few good friends
I don't want to go out and be on my own
You know they started something I can't stand

You leave for the city, well count me out
'Cause all this time is wasted on
Well, everything I've done

You know me,
Oh you think you do you, you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define so let's
Cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me
You know me,
Oh you think you do you, you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define
So let's cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me, yeah, over me, yeah, over me"

Stronger

2011-04-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

Oh, Sara Evans....preach it woman.

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Song of the day: "A Little Bit Stronger" Sara Evans

Back to the classics

2011-04-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

I believe I have mentioned this before, but when it comes to my reading list, I have taken a tip that I picked up from one of my old Phoenix roommates. For every "easy" book I read, I then read a "hard" one. For example, I might read one of the Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood) series, and then follow it with Dickens' David Copperfield.

Needless to say...there is no lack of variety in my literary repertoire.

The latest addition: Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin. I mean, how can you go wrong with the best-selling novel of the 19th century? Well, you can't. It's a piece of literary genius. Period.

It's just like a woman to stir things up. And Stowe did exactly that.

From Wikipedia: Uncle Tom's Cabin was the best-selling novel of the 19th century, and the second best-selling book of that century, following the Bible. It is credited with helping fuel the abolitionist cause in the 1850s. In the first year after it was published, 300,000 copies of the book were sold in the United States alone. In 1855, three years after it was published, it was called "the most popular novel of our day." The impact attributed to the book is great, reinforced by a story that when Abraham Lincoln met Stowe at the start of the Civil War, Lincoln declared, "So this is the little lady who started this great war." The quote is apocryphal; it did not appear in print until 1896, and it has been argued that "The long-term durability of Lincoln's greeting as an anecdote in literary studies and Stowe scholarship can perhaps be explained in part by the desire among many contemporary intellectuals ... to affirm the role of literature as an agent of social change."

Next on the reading list: Everyone Loves You When You're Dead by Neil Strauss

Song of the day: "Always Like This" Bombay Bicycle Club

One big meanie

2011-03-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

I used to have the most chipper bus driver ever in the mornings on the way to work. And now it seems that things have gone in the complete opposite direction.

The guy that's been driving the morning bus lately...is a complete dick.

Luckily, his wrath has never been centered on me, but I've seen some pretty interesting interactions first hand.

For example: A girl who is talking on a cell phone enters the bus. The bus driver proceeds to say, "Maybe you shouldn't be on your phone, so that all of these people that are riding don't have to wait on you and can get to their destinations...and oh, so you can pay your fare." (She kept right on walking and sat toward the back of the bus.) Granted she did take her time getting onto the bus, and didn't pay until she got off when you are supposed to pay when entering, but come on...rudeness never gets you anywhere, does it?

And the next day, I witnessed this bitter driver belittle someone that obviously was new to the bus system. The "request stop" light was already lit, but the person kept trying to pull the cord, not realizing that the stop had already been requested. The bus driver proceeded to speak over the intercom and say, "Once a stop has been requested, stop pulling the cord...the next thing you do is pull the damn thing off the wall." Which really didn't make too much sense to me, but sheesh, way to embarrass someone that doesn't know any better. We've all been there at some point.

I have yet to encounter any more rudeness on his part lately, but I'm convinced if I see it again, I might actually send some sort of comment to Seattle Metro. And I never do stuff like that!

In other news, I've decided to fill my free time with DIY crafty home improvement projects. You will hear my triumphs and struggles on these as time goes on I'm sure.

Song of the day: "Sparklers" Rocky Votolato

"Sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemptions"

2011-03-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

So much for my hiatus. Today has been the hardest day I've had in a long time. My latest boyfriend cheating on me doesn't hold a candle to this. I won't let him have that much credit.

I just found out today that my mother will be having surgery to remove a section of her bowel that contains a mass, a mass that the doctors are still unsure about. Is it benign or malignant? Apparently they won't know until they get in there to cut it out for whatever reason.

I was due to go to my best friend's wedding in Florida next weekend for a long weekend vacation, but have opted to cancel the trip to save the plane ticket credit and time off to go home for my mother's surgery and to help with her recovery. She's due to be in the hospital for 4-6 days and then it will take 6 weeks for her to recover entirely. It's hard that I won't be able to be there for a very extended period of time, but I want to do the most that I can, and be as useful as I can.

I can tell that my mom is worried and scared. She puts on a good front, but she and I are a lot alike in that respect. I'm scared too. She's my best friend, and I can't imagine what my life would be like if anything happened to her. All I can do is hope for the best and be there for her. And try to hold it all together. And my poor dad...I'm sure he's as quiet as ever, but this has to be the hugest wake up call for him. They are probably both realizing that they aren't as young as they used to be.

There is a lot going through my head right now. Uncertainty seems to be my lot in life these days. And it's wearing me down. I feel like I've aged years in the matter of a few weeks. And on top of it all, the one person that I had thought I would always be able to count on to be there for me...well, as you can read in the first paragraph...I can't really count on anymore.

Long days ahead.

Song of the day: "You Are A Tourist" Death Cab For Cutie

"This fire grows higher
This fire grows higher
This fire grows higher
This fire grows higher

When there's a burning in your heart
An endless yearning in your heart
Build it bigger than the sun
Let it grow, let it grow
When there's a burning in your heart
Don't be alone

This fire grows higher

When there's a doubt within your mind
Because you're thinking all the time
Framing rights into wrongs
Move along, move along
When there's a doubt within your mind
When there's a burning in your heart
And you think it'll burst apart
Or there's nothing to feel
Save the tears, save the tears
When there's a burning in your heart

And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born
Then it's time to go
And define your destination
There's so many different places to call home
Because when you find yourself the villain in the story you have written
It's plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemptions
Would you agree?
If so please show me

This fire grows higher
When there's a burning in your heart"

Hiatus

2011-03-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

Think I'm going to be taking a break from blogging for awhile. I just don't really feel quite myself at the moment. And I'm not quite sure if it's just that I'm in a funk, or that I am changing somehow.

"They always say when you know, you know"

2011-03-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

"It's so hard to picture him
Holding someone else
But then the voice is whispering
I'm better off by myself
My friends are taking me out tonight
But will I get him off my mind?"

Not that I could ever go back to this place in the situation, but seriously, this song gets to me, a lot.

Time for a weekend full of starting over.

Hope everyone has a good one.

Song of the day: "Pendulum" Tatiana Owens (see above)

Eternal Sunshine

2011-03-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

I could use a little bit of "focused erasure" of painful memories right now! Working on it, folks...one day at a time.

Song of the day: "Good Night" Rural Alberta Advantage

The greatest love story of all time, in my opinion

2011-03-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

I will never ever ever get tired of Jane Eyre.

I've read the book I don't know HOW many times. I've seen EVERY film version. And I have to say that every time I experience the story, I learn something new. Not just something new about life, and what you would hope for from someone that you love, but something new about myself.

I just saw the new film version last night and it was quite raw and beautiful. Here's the trailer:

What it reminded me of...is that there is a type of love that you should be consumed with...a deserving kind of love.

In real life, there is the love you actually have, and the love you wish you had. That's something I have been going through for the past month...what I have been hurting from (amongst other things). I guess I had this vision of how everything would work out, how happy we would be in the future...and he really helped me paint that picture. Led me to believe that I was special, told me he loved me, made me a part of his life, and to a certain extent, a part of his family.

And then, adversity hits. The first REAL conflict between us occurs, and he runs for the hills. Then, when things feel like they're getting back on track, something bad happens to him (non-related to myself), and he takes it out on me, when I was the one trying to be there for him. No one deserves that, but I was willing to forgive him. I never should have been willing to do that, given the circumstances, but I guess I had this vision of how things would work out. But by this time, he didn't care...about anyone but himself. So that's what he did...left me out to dry, making me believe that time would heal things, telling me that if I just let him "come to me" it would all work out. And then nothing, until a couple days later he is making out with some trash on the side of a bar. Talk about heartless...

It's his loss. He never deserved the care and affection that was given to him. And I never deserved to be treated in such a way. I kept asking myself why, letting the way he was treating me question myself. And it took me longer than it should have to convince myself...but it's not me. It's him. It's his fault, and it's his life that will be messed up by the mistakes he's made. Not mine. All it will do is make me stronger.

All great loves and great love stories involve some sort of struggle at some point (just like Jane Eyre), but it's if they are worth the struggle or not...that's the important question to take away from it all.

And that's the last I have to say on anything relative to my latest love life fiasco. He really isn't worth spending more time talking about, and I have purged all that I need to. It's more than I've revealed online here ever I think, but I feel justified, and I trust all of you, and I am the one that will come out ahead in all of this. There is always a lesson to be learned.

Song of the day: "It Doesn't Matter" Alison Krauss & Union Station

300

2011-03-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

Post # 300, that is. I can't believe I've written that much, seriously. And today, I just don't know what to say. Just trying to piece it all back together I suppose.

Song of the day: "Ghost Town" First Aid Kit (yes...again!)

First Aid Kit - "Ghost Town" - HearYa Live Session 10/13/10 from HearYa.com on Vimeo.

Break out the green

2011-03-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone. I'm still working on the happy part at the moment. However, I am wearing green and am sporting my curls today...gotta support my heritage, after all.

Song of the day: "Whirring" The Joy Formidable

Dancin in the dark

2011-03-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Keeping busy is the thing for me to do these days. And tonight's agenda....DANCING. Lots and lots and lots of dancing. Sort of random for a Tuesday I know, but one of my best friends got a ticket for me to go with her to see Girl Talk! If nothing else, my legs are going to be in stellar shape when it's all said and done, since I've also been riding my horse anytime that I'm not doing anything else. I'm already sore, so bring it on, DJ.

Speaking of my horse. It's about that time again. Show season begins! We are riding in our first show of the season a week from Sunday. Despite the fact that I thought I was going to have to retire him before this year, we're still hanging on and doing great, so why not?!

And oh, St. Patrick's Day is on Thursday. I'm half Irish, and all I can say is that Kell's better watch out for the tall dark curly-haired freckled girl. She's a trouble maker. :)

Who knows what the weekend holds. A little trip to Bellingham, perhaps? We shall see...

Song of the day: PSHAH....anything Girl Talk!

Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight

2011-03-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

Feeling a ton better than last week, but still very confused and conflicted about a bunch of things. Is it all worth thinking about...probably not, but somehow it is still all stuck in my head.

In other news, I have somehow developed another damn cyst in the other eyelid of my other eye virtually overnight. My friend says that it's probably from all of the crying I had been doing, which, let's face it....just sounds pathetic, but could very well be true. So, off I go on Friday morning to see what's to be done with this one. Last time I had a certain someone around to help me out with getting around after getting the stupid cyst cut out. Not so much this time. Just going to go it alone.

Sorry I'm not more amusing today, folks. Just not feeling quite that much inspiration yet. Most of the stuff floating around up in my brain has too much emotion tied to it. The inevitable "what if's" and "why's" that we all face when we're feeling broken by someone. "Why isn't he sorry?" "How could he do that to me after how hard it was for me to finally trust him?" "Where the fuck is he, anyway?!"

I shouldn't care. I shouldn't be thinking about any of it. But sometimes our hearts don't like listening to our minds. It would be nice if it was easy, and I was already over it. But the fact that it hasn't been easy for me just proves to me that it was real...at least it was to me anyway.

What is it they say..."Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I don't know if I believe that at the moment, but maybe things will be clearer tomorrow. Maybe his being gone is just going to make it easier for me. I don't know. All I know is that my world felt pretty damn perfect for awhile, and then it just got turned completely upside down. And all I can do is keep pushing through the hell. Keep wiping away the tears. At least they remind me that I'm not heartless.

But enough of saying what I'm thinking. Maybe I will have something better for you tomorrow.

Song of the day: "Dancing On My Own" Robyn

Crap.

2011-03-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

You know it's a bad sign when your damn SPORTS BRA begins to be too big for you. I'm all for losing a little weight, but COME ON.

I kind of prefer not to look like a boy. If I get any lower than a B, someone bring me some extra carbs please.

Thanks. And have a great weekend.

Song of the day: "What You Know" Two Door Cinema Club

Seattle Metro does it again!

2011-03-10T12:24:00.000-08:00

And the fucked up crazy bus rider of the week award goes to:

The bearded homeless man with the swollen tongue that sat across from me and lit up a joint this morning...just like it was nothing.

Oh, Seattle...you never cease to amaze me with your wonder.

Song of the day: "The Ghost Inside" Broken Bells

Just one of those days

2011-03-09T16:33:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank hot, tan, ripped snowboarder/surfer California boy for trying to cheer me up and putting the mack down on me last night. Too bad my feelings and conscience and currently fucked up head wouldn't allow me to have any fun on that score. I certainly don't have any problem meeting guys...I just don't seem to meet the right ones. And even when I thought I had met the right one, he proves me wrong.

Sigh.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Song of the day: "The Funeral" Serena Ryder & The Beauties (Band of Horses cover)

Back to single

2011-03-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

And I don't really want to talk about it. Shitty things happen to good people, and life just really isn't fair. That's all I pretty much have to say on the matter.

In other news, I got the tattoo that I had wanted. It will be the last tattoo that I will ever be getting, I've decided (aside from retouching the old ones here and there.) Check out the photo below. It's the name of one of my favorite poems of all time, by my favorite poet of all time, Robert Frost.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Song of the day: "A Lack Of Color" Death Cab For Cutie

Letting it all go

2011-03-04T11:06:00.000-08:00

Going to be a bit of a rough weekend I think, but I am going to stay plenty busy, as usual. There really isn't anything else I can do at this point.

*Shhh, don't tell anyone....I think I'm getting a new tattoo this weekend.*

(If I do, photos will surely be posted next week.)

Song of the day: "Ghost Town" First Aid Kit

The power of determination

2011-03-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

Even though I'm not as young as I used to be, I often find that I feel health-wise that I'm quite untouchable. I have never had any major physical health issues (mental health might be another story...I think there are definitely a few moments when I've felt insane!).

As positive as that is, it does sort of create some false sense of security. And from time-to-time, those of us healthy beings need a little reminder to bring us back to earth, back to reality, back to the fact that anything can happen to us in the blink of an eye.

In November of this past year, a girl that was in my high school graduating class died of cancer. She fought it and survived, then it returned aggressively. Sadly, it's a story that is entirely too common. We all know someone young that has been taken from us. It should come as a wake-up call to us all.

In college, a good coworker friend of mine was killed in a tragic car accident. A semi-trailer blew through a red light and t-boned the vehicle he was riding in. He spent a week in neuro-critical care before succumbing to the extent of his injuries. I keep the memorial program from his funeral tucked in the visor of my Tahoe...in hopes that when I see it, I will remember to try and make smart decisions...and that I will try not to take the brevity of life for granted.

Life is too short not to make every second count...too short not to hold on to what's dear to us...and too short not to experience as much as possible. WAY too short for the bullshit.

But enough of my inner ramblings, and on to something uplifting. Another member of my high school graduating class has also, in recent years, been fighting a cancer battle of his own. And I just saw online today, that after much of a fight on his part...he is cancer free. We are not close friends, but we come from a tight-knit community of families and neighbors back in my small Indiana hometown. And the power of this man's determination and will, with the support of his family, friends, and community, has surely paid off, and I am so happy for them all.

The thing that I have taken away from his story, and the other classmate of mine mentioned above....is that it could have just as easily been me, or someone else close to me. We should never take advantage of the life that has been given to us.

So, here is my little daily reminder to you: We aren't guaranteed tomorrow. Make today count. Tell the ones you love that you love them. Live with no regrets.

Song of the day: "Memorial" Explosions In The Sky

Well thanks, homeless friend

2011-03-01T10:04:00.000-08:00

A twee bit of a crazy homeless guy sat across from me on the bus this morning, and proceeded to flip me off for about half a mile (til I got to the stop in front of my office).

No words, aside from a little bit of random mumbling (obviously the dude's mental status wasn't in tip-top shape). Just the finger.

Everyone sitting nearby on the bus seemed to do a double-take, and then quietly started smiling to themselves. And yes, I did follow suit. After a bit I couldn't help it, and almost laughed out loud, thinking to myself, "Go ahead, my homeless friend...fire away. You are only adding to the comic relief of this week for me!"

Never a dull day using Seattle's public transportation. Kind of like the day there was a hooker on my bus ride home. Some of the drivers are pretty damn cool though.

I'm sure there will be more experiences to share in the future. You just never know what you're going to encounter :).

Song of the day: "Read My Mind" The Killers

True crime

2011-02-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I just finished reading The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson.

Talk about some true crime.

Bringing Chicago circa 1893 to vivid life, "The Devil In the White City" intertwines the true tale of two men - Daniel H. Burnham, the brilliant architect behind the legendary 1893 World's Fair, striving to secure America's place in the world; and Dr. H.H. Holmes, the cunning serial killer who used the fair to lure his victims to their death in his elaborately constructed "Murder Castle."

(via Wikipedia)

Totally worth the read. Has completely sparked my interest in learning more about The World's Fairs in general.

And as far as serial killers go...H.H. Holmes takes the cake.

Holmes selected mostly female victims from among his employees (many of whom were required as a condition of employment to take out life insurance policies for which Holmes would pay the premiums but also be the beneficiary), lovers and hotel guests, torturing and killing them. Some were locked in soundproof bedrooms fitted with gas lines that let him asphyxiate them at any time. Some victims were locked in a huge soundproof bank vault near his office where they were left to suffocate. The victims' bodies were dropped by secret chute to the basement, where some were meticulously dissected, stripped of flesh, crafted into skeleton models, and then sold to medical schools. Holmes also cremated some of the bodies or placed them in lime pits for destruction. Holmes had two giant furnaces as well as pits of acid, bottles of various poisons, and even a stretching rack. Through the connections he had gained in medical school, he sold skeletons and organs with little difficulty.

(via Wikipedia)

Song of the day: "Long Trip Alone" Dierks Bentley (I was due for some country)

The master chef is going to work

2011-02-25T11:36:00.000-08:00

Well, not really. I am a pretty good cook, but I also like to cook things that require a minimal amount of ingredients. Tonight it's girls' night in at my household. My lovely neighbor friend and I are going to chill out and do some noshing, some wining, and some gossiping! Just kidding...maybe :).

On the menu:

Appetizer
Guacamole and chips:

avocados
tomatoes
red onion
garlic
lime juice
olive oil
(screw the quantities on each of these, just add to your own taste)

Main course
Spaghetti with cheese, black pepper and tomatoes (recipe via rainy day gal):

Spaghetti with Cheese, Black Pepper and Tomatoes, adapted from Smitten Kitchen

This pasta is completely Deb’s recipe—all I did was add the tomatoes. She is a culinary genius and I am a lowly weirdo who adds cold tomatoes to hot dishes. Serves 4.

* 1 pound dry spaghetti
* 1/4 cup olive oil
* 2 tablespoons butter
* 2 teaspoons coarsely grated black pepper
* 3/4 cup finely grated parmigiano reggiano cheese, plus more for topping
* Kosher salt, to taste
* 3-4 small heirloom tomatoes, cut into 1″ chunks

Boil the spaghetti until al dente. Drain in a colander, reserving 1 1/2 cups of the pasta water.

In a large pot, heat the olive oil on high until almost smoking. Toss in the drained spaghetti and 1 1/4 of the pasta water and stir (Deb recommends to stand back during this step and I fully agree. My pot was snapping, crackling and popping! An apron, if you don’t normally cook with one, is also a good idea since some of the olive oil may spatter). Stir in the butter, pepper, cheese and salt to taste. If it looks a bit dry to you, add a bit more of the pasta water. Top with the tomatoes and a sprinkle of cheese. Serve immediately to hungry people who like pasta.

I absolutely love this simple recipe. And if you're a pepper freak like me, you add more pepper than you probably need, but I love the kick it gives to this pasta.

Have a great weekend, peeps.

Song of the day: "Blow" K$sha (yeah, I did that...in honor of girls' night tomorrow night!)

What's next?

2011-02-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

Send the good vibes my way today people. I will need them. Got some tough decisions ahead of me. Hopefully they are going to be easier to make than I feel like they're going to be right now.

Sometimes I feel like my life gets turned a little upside down, or at least certain parts of it. Here's to hoping that they get turned right side up.

Hopefully my imagination is focused on something much more exciting tomorrow. I'm due for a good sarcastic, dry, or cynical post, right?

Song of the day: "Hey Baby, Here's That Song You Wanted" Blessthefall

The best gum ever

2011-02-22T17:08:00.000-08:00

Trident Tropical Twist. Hands down.

Remember that gum that had the juice on the inside? I used to love that stuff!

And Chiclets! I would shove them in by the mouthful.

To be quite honest, I don't usually chew gum these days, but occasionally it is absolutely necessary.

What's your favorite gum?

Song of the day: "Turn It Off" Phantogram

People love drama

2011-02-15T10:34:00.000-08:00

The traffic to my blog yesterday looks a little something like this:

I mean, come on, people...do you really enjoy seeing me in pain? SHEESH!

Just kidding. I'm sure you are all just concerned about my well being or something :).

Rough week ahead, for various reasons that I won't be disclosing on here, so don't be surprised if the posts are few and far between. I'll just suffice to say that I went from extremely happy to extremely sad in a very short amount of time, and what the future holds...well, I'm clueless at this point.

Just feel free to send the good vibes my way. I will be needing them.

Song of the day: "Title & Registration" Death Cab For Cutie

Worst Valentine's Day ever

2011-02-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

Looks like I might be updating my header again. Guess I jinxed myself. Worst day in a very long time.

Celebrating Valentine's Day? Blasphemy!

2011-02-11T10:09:00.000-08:00

For the first time...in a long time...I actually have Valentine's Day plans!

Last year, I was kind of swimming in the ocean of new guys, but none of that ever turned into anything significant...obviously.

Tomorrow: Leavenworth

Sigh...why, thank you, beautiful mountain town!

Monday: Chill dinner at home with some wine...just my style.

Boy is gonna be surprised by his gift too. Shhhh! I can't tell you all just yet what it is! It's a gift for me too (get your head out of the gutter, folks!).

Song of the day: "I Miss You" Blink 182

So, yeah...not so single

2011-02-10T10:11:00.000-08:00

I have a boyfriend. At least that's what I think, since I've heard the word "my girlfriend" dropped here and there lately.

Wow...never thought you would be hearing those words come from this little lady, did you?

It's been a long time a-coming I suppose. And given some of the bullshit I have had to go through to get to where I am now (i.e. learning to trust again), I can honestly say that it's all been worth it. I am a part of a relationship that is quite healthy, I'm extremely happy, and the future looks nothing but promising and exciting for us both.

Time to change that header of mine, I guess!

And tomorrow...Valentine's Day plans. Eek!

Song of the day: "Tighten Up" The Black Keys

Rivalry

2011-02-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

Gotta go back to my roots tonight. It's Purdue vs. IU in men's basketball this evening.

And Purdue is going to kick IU's ass.

I am sad not to be there to witness all of that lovely Boilermaker sportsmanship. I have fond memories of seeing shirts that say things like:

"Hoosiers suck, but their girls suck harder."
"BTFU" (Boiler the fuck up)
"POTFH" (Piss on the fucking Hoosiers)

During football season, it can get pretty rough as well, since our rival is Notre Dame:

"Fuck Rudy"
"Bring back the potato famine!"

Oh yeah, we keep it classy :).

Like they say, "Hoosier by birth....Boilermaker by the grace of God."

BTFU!

Song of the day: "Time After Time" Quietdrive (Cyndi Lauper cover)

Tax return! Tax return!

2011-02-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

That's right! Guess who's getting some money back tomorrow!

What to do with this money? Well, there is the obvious: BILLS.

But there are a few other things on the menu for this extra cash:

1.) Plane tickets to one of my best friend's wedding in April. Watch out Captiva, Florida...here we come! (I'm due for a spring vacation. Duh. All that is missing from this photo below is a Corona.)

2.) A new sheet for my poor horsey. My trainer has been kind enough to let me borrow one of hers because a strap broke on his other one.

3.) A new comforter and sheets for me! Overdue. I'm thinking black and red. And there are some good sales this weekend :).

Thank goodness tomorrow is payday too! Love it.

Song of the day: "Hey Boy" The Blow

ARGH!

2011-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

Two and a half hours of sleep + being the only person in your department working for the day = NIGHTMARE.

Thank sweet Jesus for caffeine.

More ranting tomorrow...

Song of the day: "My Body" Young the Giant

Quasi-single

2011-01-27T15:00:00.001-08:00

I appear to be in that spot. That uncertain venue between being technically single or technically taken. I don't like this spot.

I mean, don't get me wrong...it does have its perks. I can still window shop and innocently flirt without feeling TOO guilty, but that's not usually my style. When I become emotionally invested in someone, I am usually pretty damn dedicated. And so far, this person hasn't given me any reason to feel otherwise. I've come to the conclusion that karma might finally be paying off for me. Fingers crossed anyway.

The issue that I have with this certain period goes back to a bigger issue I have. I am not good with SHADES OF GREY. If it can be black and white, all the better. I don't like to play games, I don't like to beat around the bush.

Right now I'm in that spot where all of my friends are saying that this guy and I are a couple, but I think it's too soon to go down that path perhaps. We are still getting to know each other, we have a few issues with communication here and there. Maybe I'm just looking for something that is too darn perfect...I don't know.

One thing I do know is that I'm not ready for the "honeymoon" period to end yet. It's too soon for that and I am definitely thriving on the attention. I also don't want to be that person that the guy can just assume is going to be there waiting for him when he has nothing better to do. No fucking way, Jose.

But really, I do consider myself to be quite lucky. I am very happy with the way my love life is going these days, and am dating someone who is quite extraordinary and always seems to make me feel special. Who really knows what's going to happen though...I suppose all you can ever really do is keep things honest and take it one day at a time :).

Oh shit...what am I going to do with my header if I leave single-dom?! Put a big "x" through the word "single?" Hmmmm....

Song of the day: "40 Day Dream" Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

"DTMFA" a new and useful acronym

2011-01-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

Read this acronym in a column online yesterday: "DTMFA", which stands for "dump the mother fucker already."

I hopefully won't need anyone telling me that anytime soon (more on that next week), but I might have to send that message out to a few gal pals of mine.

Here's to you, ladies. Get rid of those assholes! DTMFA!

Have a wonderful weekend, folks.

Song of the day: "Pumped Up Kicks" Foster The People

Just a-jammin today

2011-01-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

Song of the day: "Rill Rill" Sleigh Bells (And that is all.)

Sleigh Bells - New Music - More Music Videos

PURGE!

2011-01-26T10:30:00.000-08:00

No spring cleaning here...I'm going for WINTER cleaning.

That's right. It's time to purge my closet, unload some books and DVD's, and reek of minimalism.

And maybe, just maybe, I shall be able to make some CASH MONEY from these items. If I'm lucky.

But seriously, it never ceases to amaze me how much shit I accumulate in a matter of months that I don't actually use. AND that I sometimes hold onto for no logical apparent reason.

Simplify, simplify, simplify!

Song of the day: "Biko" Bloc Party

Can't Buy Me Love...the real version

2011-01-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

I had a real life creepy Craigslist encounter. The story is highly amusing though, so I will share the details with you all.

So, I was trying to get tickets to a sold out live show via Craigslist. I got a response from a guy that wanted WAY too much for the tickets. I replied back to him with the offer I was willing to give. The email I received after that went something along the lines of this:

"I will give you the tickets at face value...if you meet up with me for coffee and introduce me to some of your friends." (That might not be verbatim, but pretty damn close.)

Normally, I would feel a little compassionate for the guy, but he then proceeded to start chatting with me on gmail, and I will just suffice it to say things just got really desperate and creepy from there.

I proceeded to lie and tell him that I found other tickets, and wished him luck with making new friends here in the city.

If only that was the end of it....

Apparently I had totally wronged him somehow, because he proceeded to sent all sorts of psycho emails my way telling me what I cunt I supposedly am for not helping him out.

THERE ARE SOME CRAZY DUDES OUT THERE, LADIES. Jesus H....seriously.

After about three of these consecutive nut-basket emails, I finally deemed it time to take action. I told him that what he was doing was freaking textbook harassment, and that if he proceeded to contact me, some sort of legal action would be taking place.

Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since. Sometimes the power of a threat is all you need.

The lesson to be learned...continue to be wary of Craigslist!

Song of the day: "Young Blood" The Naked & Famous

Please let me return in one piece

2011-01-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm going snowboarding for the first time in my entire life.

I haven't even snow skied before.

Break out the camera. Photos of me BUSTING MY ASS in the snow are sure to come.

And I have already been assured that I will be sore as hell the next day. But I'm truly excited to try something brand new. It's been awhile.

I'm only slightly afraid that I will absolutely love it, therefore creating another hobby that I can't really afford to be doing all the time.

So, I will try to get some photos of my wicked snow adventure up here next week. In the mean time, just imagine some crazy chick flying out of control down the mountain...yeah, that would probably be me.

Song of the day: "Cameras" Matt and Kim

The things that I find exciting these days

2011-01-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

I got really really excited the other night....

by the fact that I got to bring home a food processor, a new set of knives, a garlic press, candles, and a couple of new pillows for my bed.

Shit. I'm getting old.

Granted, I did get these things for free, since I had some lovely gift cards from my family, but come on! If you would have asked me a few years ago about my domestic abilities, I would probably admit to being domestically challenged. I don't nest well, period, for one thing. And at the time, I really didn't get too much into cooking.

My my, how the TABLES HAVE TURNED.

Next on my list of wants...a blender.

The main reason for the blender is of course for margaritas/daiquiris and the occasional milk shake, so I should get some bonus points for that, right?

Song of the day: "Live Like We're Dying" The Script (pretty girlie for me, I know...but it's a pop-ish day for once)

Finding out what you really want

2011-01-18T09:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone ask you, "What do you really want?"

I have. Just last week.

Talk about throwing me for a loop.

But I sat down and physically wrote out a list. And not a list of the small stuff either (like - travel more, jump out of a plane, etc.), but a list of the big stuff.

Things like - maintain a healthy lifestyle; physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Don't take life for granted.

And the list goes on...

I have to say this: I'm a lot deeper than I thought. I've always considered myself to be so spontaneous, and a bit of a free spirit, so to say. But I do have some plans for myself, and it's a nice feeling to identify exactly what some of those plans are.

I recommend this exercise to everyone. We all need a little clarity from time to time. It's a good feeling. Trust me.

Song of the day: "Sounds Like Hallelujah" The Head and The Heart

The twitching lip

2011-01-12T14:35:00.000-08:00

We all get muscle twitches from time to time. Personally, and this might be TMI, but I tend to get these twitches in my damn butt cheeks.

Not lately though. Instead the twitch seems to have migrated to my lower lip. Which feels quite weird, and I honestly wish I had a mirror to see if I totally have that whole quivering lip thing going on. Because hey, I suppose I COULD use that to my advantage at some point.

It also does freak me out a little bit, because when I think about weird face feelings it just reminds me of when people have a stroke and one side of their face becomes paralyzed. EEK! NO!

Note to self, rehydrate, rehydrate, rehydrate. Twitches are bad!

Song of the day: "All The Wine" The National