In other news, I have somehow developed another damn cyst in the other eyelid of my other eye virtually overnight. My friend says that it's probably from all of the crying I had been doing, which, let's face it....just sounds pathetic, but could very well be true. So, off I go on Friday morning to see what's to be done with this one. Last time I had a certain someone around to help me out with getting around after getting the stupid cyst cut out. Not so much this time. Just going to go it alone.
Sorry I'm not more amusing today, folks. Just not feeling quite that much inspiration yet. Most of the stuff floating around up in my brain has too much emotion tied to it. The inevitable "what if's" and "why's" that we all face when we're feeling broken by someone. "Why isn't he sorry?" "How could he do that to me after how hard it was for me to finally trust him?" "Where the fuck is he, anyway?!"
I shouldn't care. I shouldn't be thinking about any of it. But sometimes our hearts don't like listening to our minds. It would be nice if it was easy, and I was already over it. But the fact that it hasn't been easy for me just proves to me that it was real...at least it was to me anyway.
What is it they say..."Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I don't know if I believe that at the moment, but maybe things will be clearer tomorrow. Maybe his being gone is just going to make it easier for me. I don't know. All I know is that my world felt pretty damn perfect for awhile, and then it just got turned completely upside down. And all I can do is keep pushing through the hell. Keep wiping away the tears. At least they remind me that I'm not heartless.
But enough of saying what I'm thinking. Maybe I will have something better for you tomorrow.
Song of the day: "Dancing On My Own" Robyn
2 comments:
I've thought this for a long time, but the person who originally said, "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." was a masochist.
Yeah, that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now myself. I think the thing that just hurts me right now is that there seems to be no remorse for the bullshit that he put me through. Maybe he's completely clueless or selfish...or maybe he's just a complete asshole. OR MAYBE ALL THREE. NO clue.
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