Upside down

Upside down...those are the best words to describe my life right now.

It's so hard to believe that in a matter of a couple weeks, things can just go completely to shit. And part of it at my own hands too.

Can what's been lost be regained? Or is it all totally hopeless?

I don't want to believe so, because there for a short while, I was completely happy...the happiest I've been in a long time.

I have to believe it can get better. It must.

If there is one thing I've learned recently, it's that the brain is a fragile thing...there are scars buried in there that are sometimes hard to get rid of...or you even forgot were there. Instances that can ruin you if you let them.

They say that trauma triggers fight or flight. Being the feisty ass that I usually am, I bet you can't figure out which one describes me.

I'm sure flight would make things much easier for me, but then that's not who I am.

All I can do is fight. Fight like hell to put the past behind me...to not let one horrible person that was a part of my life ruin the future for me.

This is as deep as it gets for me right now. I can't dwell on it...I just have to keep pushing through.

It will get better....because it must.

Song of the day: "Rain" Breaking Benjamin (come again another day, please)