"What's your name?"

"Her name is FUCK OFF!"

This male-female bar encounter, amongst others, was quite possibly the funniest highlight of my weekend vacation in Phoenix.

I do believe this might have sparked a little feminist-girls' night-punkish-don't fuck with me you wasted asshole-type mood for the weekend. Bash on the weekend men-hating all you want, but some guys just deserve it.

Like the wasted has-been ex-hockey player that we unfortunately ran into at the lovely country-western bar, Handlebar J. The thing that sucked about this guy was that he rudely interrupted a fun conversation we were having with a nice, respectable Midwestern gentleman. This is how it played out:

Myself and my friend are laughing about something Midwest guy said.

Has-been drunk gets way too into our personal space and asks slovenly, "What are you laughing about?"

Myself and my friend, noticing his high level of inebriation, give off the look as if to say, "Where did this guy come from?", but continue to answer his questions as politely as possible.

Has-been drunk asks again, "So really, what are you laughing about?"

(At this point we had basically forgotten what it was we were actually laughing about in the first place, but were rather starting to get annoyed instead.)

I say, "It's really nothing amusing...just a little inside joke," hoping that he would just get the hint and move on to the next chick.

His reply, "If you don't tell me, I'm gonna bite you."

Myself, my friend, and Midwestern guy all look like deer in headlights following this statement.

I turn back around and say nothing, still amazed.

Again, "I'll bite you."

At this point I have had enough. As straight-faced as possible, this is my reply: "If you BITE me....I will PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE."

EVEN THAT didn't deter him much, so I just threw my hands in the air in defeat. Luckily, another nice man that we had met came to the rescue.

I know my reply to that guy had a huge twinge of bitchy-ness, but come on..."I'll BITE YOU?" Who comes up with this shit?!

The night ended in success though. My girlfriends and I had a wonderful time mingling with other folks and got some good dancing in as well. If nothing else, these crazy encounters are funny tales to pass along!


Song of the day: "Whatever It Is" Zac Brown Band (a little country tribute to that night)